I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
