"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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