I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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