He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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