I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize