it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
whose parrot is this?
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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