Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
