she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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