Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
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