This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Randomize
