she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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