You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
