so that wasnt chicken after all
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
