whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
