The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
