I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
