In the future we'll all be gay
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
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