my room smells like sperm. sweet.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Randomize