After last night, I could never be a politician.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
