I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
