ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
This is the prime rib incident all over again
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
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