I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Dicks are not precious.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
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