If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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