he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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