so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
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