My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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