can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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