can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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