I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
