To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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