Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
