Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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