Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
