I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
