just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
