At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Randomize
