i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
