$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Randomize
