I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
