I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
i dont even know how to be here
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
