i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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