ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
so let's talk penis.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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