We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
