I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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