I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
The beer is more important than you right now.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
