We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
