Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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