after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Randomize
