The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
