and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
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Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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