i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
