what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
