dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
