So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
