How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
