from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
She swung at the pinata with crutches
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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