here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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