I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize