plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
did you just send me my own nude
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize
