I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize
