i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
