I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
