I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
