the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
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I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize