What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
