jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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