i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
