Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
