Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
