roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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