Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
She's the barista slut.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
