I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
