He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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